Let's Talk Elf

Good Morning and welcome to "Let's Talk Elf!" This program is designed to inform you about some of the least commonly talked about things surrounding the North Pole, elves, and that Jolly Ol' Man in the Red Hat, Santa Claus! (The reader of this transcript has the right to pass off all of this information as a bunch of "fooey". I can't force you to believe.)

First things first, though, right? Let's start off with a bit about this show. "Let's Talk Elf" was created as a means for the average joe to learn more about Christmas and the North Pole. Backed by financial support by the North Pole Organization Fund, and readers like you, LTE promises to be an interesting and informative program. (If you have any questions you'd like discussed in future episodes, by all means! Leave a comment below!)

First item on our list. What exactly is an elf?

The Webster's Dictionary states than an elf is "an imaginary, tiny being of mischievious character; a sprite; fairy."
And this is just about what most dictionaries say on the matter.

In my own words (being something of an expert), an elf is a being who appears to be a child or a teenager. The elf has pointed ears and rosy cheeks. They are most commonly found at the North Pole, but can occasionally be found in other places as well, such as the South Pole. And, sometimes, you can spot them in the general masses of normal human suburbia.

"What about the North Pole?"

The dictionary states that the North Pole is "the end of the earth's axis of rotation--the zenith of this point."

This may be true, but it is also true that the North Pole is the accepted home of Santa and all his elves.

But wait, you might say. Isn't the North Pole just a giant iceberg stuck in the middle of the Arctic Sea? A giant floating mass of ice and snow?

Well, technically, yes. In a manner of speaking. You see, what most people consider the North Pole, isn't strictly what we experts refer to as The North Pole, where North Pole City is located. The area we are talking about is a bit further north. And yes, it only sees so much sunshine every year, which also makes it one of the most cold places on earth.

Perhaps this excerpt, taken from The Unknown Elf's Appendix, is the best explanation.

            "North Pole City can be found in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, above Greenland but not entirely in the North Polar Region.  It is an underground city, being encompassed about by a vast iceberg that has not moved in thousands of years, being firmly attached to the ocean bottom.

            Though the City is indeed under water, it is not directly even with the ocean floor.  Instead, it is only several hundred feet below the surface.  The iceberg that contains the city rises several hundred feet above the ocean’s level, near the center of the berg.  The berg itself, is several hundred miles wide at its most, though the majority of it only surrounds the city.

            The most stable portion of the iceberg has been hollowed out like a giant snow cave, with the ceiling of the dome being within only a dozen or so feet from the top of the berg, enough to keep it solid enough on top for frequent traffic of sleigh teams and walkers.  The top of the dome is about one hundred feet in diameter, with several smaller domes for various way stations and settlements.

            Within the city are the various buildings described under the buildings section.  Also within the city, aside from the housing district, are the Stables and various fields of greenery, as well as several small parks.  Near the outer limits of the city are scattered exit points that lead directly to the upper levels of the berg and to the outside.

            Despite common belief, North Pole City is not a frozen area where there is continual snow on the ground.  It is only on the outer level that this atmosphere can be found.  Within the city it is a different matter.  Through the use of various technologies, as well as the principle of thermal dynamics, the city enjoys a fairly moderate climate, being neither too hot nor too cold."

Now, perhaps you have already read this information. If that's the case, carry on, but if not, please reread the above information and commit it to memory. (Just kidding.)

But it is safe to say that The North Pole comprises a vast underground city in the Arctic region that is about 10-15 miles in cubic size. And it has a fluctuating population of between 100 and 250 thousand elves and humans. Sometimes there are more. Why so many, you might ask. Well, that's because there's a lot more to the underground home of Santa Claus than you might think. But, alas, this segment's time slot is over. So please look forward to our next episode coming soon!

Part Two

Welcome back to "Let's Talk Elf!" We hope you enjoyed our last program and that you will enjoy today's show as well. Today's topic is Santa Claus. 

So, what about Santa Claus? At the time of writing this, Santa Claus was not included in a lot of dictionaries, though I'm sure that may have changed as his popularity has grown. If a typical dictionary writer were to write the definition, it would probably go something like this: 

"A chubby man that wears red and is associated with Christmas." 

Well, let me add to that definition. Santa Claus is a loving and caring human who has gone past being selfish, and has the ability to life for over a thousand years. Now that we have a few basics under our belts, here are a few tidbits of information that have become muddled over the years. 

The first man considered to "hold" the title of Santa Claus was a young man by the name of Nicholas, and he was born in what is now present day Hungary. After a rather giving life, he died and was canonized by the Catholic Church. As time went on, several other men took on the mantle of St. Nicholas, with various traditions spreading out from the position. Each tradition became unique to its country of origin. 

There are some traditions that remain the same, all the way across the board. Those traditions include a man who brings gifts at a designated time of year in celebration of Christ's Birth. What isn't mentioned in the usual tellings is that Santa eventually discovered, or was discovered by a race that we know as elves today. With the help of these elves, Santa relocated his base of operations to the North Polar region, where what is known as the Legacy House was build inside the cavern of a giant ice berg. As time went on, the location was expanded to include what is present day North Pole City, with the North Pole Organization. 

Over the course of history, there have been many different men who have donned the red coat and hat. And, with faith, hope, and luck, there will always be a man willing to take on that role. Now, for those who say that Santa stole his current home, let me point this out. Santa was given the North Pole long before we even set foot in the Arctic. No one really wanted a giant chunk of ice anyway. Through the centuries, Santa was able to build North Pole City with the help of the elves. The city is more grand than New York City, or any other large metropolis, without the pollution and crime associated with those areas. And, thanks to its location underground, it is mostly undisturbed by those who are not associated with the North Pole Organization. 

I've had one person ask what Santa does when he's not off delivering presents and whatnot. Well, that answer to that is running the North Pole Organization in a similar manner to the President of the United States. He is the president of the Organization, and is charged with the running of and organizing of this vast network of elves and humans. Of course he has help, mainly from those just under him in authority. (This has been previously covered in character introductions. Please refer to them for more information.) Well, I just got the signal from our producers that the time is up for this episode. We hope to see you again in a few days when the next episode arrives. Until then, don't hesitate to leave a comment about any questions you may have! And remember, you can now buy a copy of The Unknown Elf at most major retailers online.

Part Three

Hello and welcome to the third installment of "Let's Talk Elf"! It looks like our information is more than enough to our readers. Since that is the case, we'll carry on with the scripted program. Today, we will be discussing elf treatment and equality. 

Several years ago, a radio talk show host did a program about Christmas and elves. One of their major point was that elves are mistreated and underpaid. I would like to beg to differ. Let me put it bluntly. The elves are not underpaid. they receive a monthly income, as well as access to all that is in the North Pole Organization for free. 

Yes, you heard me, free. Meals, energy, housing, entertainment, all free. The money is in case they choose to go out and about in human society so that they have some spending cash. The amount each elf gets is dependent on seniority and location. After all, the differences in national economies must be taken into account. The typical elf's work schedule follows an eight to ten hour work day, with frequent breaks throughout. They are given a fifteen minute break every two hours, with a lunch break in the middle of their shift, which is approximately an hour long. 

Everyone, and every living creature inside the North Pole Organization is treated with respect. Violence is practically unheard of. It is true that each elf has a title, but they are treated with the same level of respect and regard. The most respected individual is, of course, Santa Claus. Everyone plays an important role in the carefully designed government, each with a meaningful job. And all are given a say in any matter, unless it involves executive decisions, which are only made to ensure the safety of the elves and Santa Claus. These decisions are made after careful deliberation by the North Pole Council. 

When not working, there are plenty of different things the elves can do. There are many recreational facilities around North Pole City, with the freedom to travel to other destinations if so desired. Health and sanity are taken into careful consideration, with a comprehensive medical facility available at all for whatever purpose, be it minor injuries or illness, or something much more major. Mental health professionals are provided to all in need of such. No elf, or animal, is required to work when they are not in peak physical condition. There is also a highly trained team of veterinarians for all animals. 

As for the reindeer, they are well groomed and taken care of. There is a vast plot of land set aside on the outskirts of North Pole city where they are allowed to graze and play. This area is also used for training purposes, such as flight training. There are several teams of reindeer housed inside the massive stables. Well folks, that's all the time we have for this go around. Feel free to comment about any questions or other comments you may have about this segment, or any previous ones, and we will be sure to answer/address them in the next episode!

Part Four

Do elves celebrate holidays? The answer to that is a resounding yes. You should already know that they celebrate Christmas. It's the main event at the North Pole, after all. As for the other holidays, in general they don't celebrate them all, but they do celebrate a good majority of them.

New Year's Eve

The elves celebrate New Year's Eve, and Day, every year. They stay up late to welcome the New Year. It's as big a tradition as Christmas is. They share time with friends, family, and loved ones. No alcohol is consumed, unlike in human society. (Most elves can't tolerate alcohol.) Instead, they drink hot cocoa, egg nog, spiced ciders, or bubbly juices. When the clock strikes midnight, they hold hands with those near, and sing songs. Many games are played. No one works New Year's Day. Even Santa gets the day off.

Valentine's Day

Just like most countries celebrate this holiday, so do the elves. They make valentines by hand and secretly give them to each other. Sometimes they hide these valentines in lockers, mailboxes, or other objects, making it a sort of game to find them. It's always fun seeing what happens when a valentine is found.

Although elves appear young in age, many still have sweethearts. These loved ones often exchange gifts to show affection. Sometimes they will lead their significant others on a wild goose chase, with a fun surprise at the end!

Labor Day 

Labor Day, while only celebrated by certain counties, is another fun holiday for Santa's little helpers. Labor Day is usually spent with friends, using the recreational facilities. Such facilities include: water parks, amusement parks, and health parks. This is a day when most elves get a day off. They take turns with the various members of their departments so that everyone gets this day off every other year. It is all very organized, perhaps more so than most countries.

St. Patrick's Day

St. Patty's Day is a real treat at North Pole City.  Anyone who is not found wearing some type of green will be sent to "green jail" for several minutes. (They are usually in there for less than ten.) This is done instead of pinching, as some cultures prefer to do.

The "green jail" is all in fun, being constructed of colored plastic pipes. And almost every elf has ended up there at least once over the years, even Santa Claus.

April Fool's Day (April 1st)

On the first of April, everyone plays practical jokes that are harmless but entertaining. The elves believe in good, clean fun. Such jokes might be someone changing the colors of another work's paint, leaving small gag gifts, or making it rain popcorn. The festivities last until midnight.

July 4th (American Independence Day)

Perhaps a bit surprising, but the elves do celebrate America's Independence Day. They recognize what life would have been like for America if independence had not been declared. The celebrate because some elves have close friends in America, or they work there with various companies and corporations. That, and the elves like to celebrate good times.

Thanksgiving

This holiday is celebrated with a feast of thanks. The elves spend the day preparing food and activities. At the end of the day, they gather together to eat what was prepared. They each offer thanks for what they have, what they have accomplished, and for life.


Halloween

This amusing holiday is a wonderful day at North Pole City. All elves are allowed to wear some kind of costume. Treats are made that are shared with others. Instead of trick-or-treating, they offer little acts of kindness to those who may need such attentions. Many games are played, including traditional games from around the world.

And last, but not least:

Christmas

If you have ready any of my other works, they will tell you that the elves celebrate this holiday by singing, playing, remembering, and making last minute preparations for Santa's Flight.

There is a large, ever-lit Christmas tree in the Main Rotunda of the Main Office Complex building. This tree is brightly decorated, with thousands of twinkling lights that never go out.

This is considered a great time of joy and peace. Dancing and joyful celebrating are guaranteed by all, working or not.

Well, I hope you have all enjoyed this little glimpse into elves and the main holidays they celebrate. And maybe, the next time you go to the store for one of these holidays, you might meet an elf in disguise. You never know.