I don't know how many of you can relate, but I totally suck at advertising myself, keeping up to date with all the various social media sites, the expectations, all of it. It is so not my jam.
I was there when Google became a thing and yet I still struggle to use it. I started out on MySpace before moving to Facebook, and who knows how many other social media sites. And yet I just can't seem to pull myself together like these younger generations can. Man, that makes me feel and sound old! I even still remember how to do some of that basic html coding from back in the day, something most kids don't even think about because a program does it all for them.
I confess I have had feelings of irrelevancy lately, especially as I sit and stare at my computer screen, realizing the only real projects I've worked on lately are either books for young children, books written by others, or fan fiction. Yes, I write fan fiction, in case you didn't know. And, right now, I"m working on a fan fiction that is part a series I've been playing with for... gosh.. how many years has it been now? Almost nine-ten years? Man alive.
It's kind of hard to believe I started writing as a snot-nosed kid in elementary school and loved it. And here I sit, as a middle-aged woman, staring at a blank page as I try to make my original works come to life and they refuse. Not only do they refuse, but they basically have stuck their collective tongues out at me, probably given me the middle finger, and are just outright ignoring me.
Any of you have those imaginary friends growing up, that would sometimes ignore you? It's kinda like that.
That being said, I can't say I've exactly stayed idle. As I've said, I have been working on other projects, young kid books (illustrations and all), editing for others, helping others get published (two books and counting), and writing fan fiction. I even turned my YA books into screenplays, with my dragon trilogy becoming an audio drama. Indeed, I cannot say I've been idle.
However, I feel, lately, my momentum has been rather... lacking. This is, sadly, in part to depression, anxiety, and a whole heck-a-lot of migraine. Man alive, migraines... They are sappers of energy, creativity, and pretty much anything else. Even when I do have the mojo to work on my fan fictions, I have to go back and make sure i can understand what i was writing because, if I write in a migraine state, I can't guarantee it will actually make sense. The things people don't tell you.
And then you add onto that Imposter Syndrome, which I am a fervent believer that ALL creatives suffer from... man, what a concoction. Well, I guess I"m in that Imposter Syndrome overdrive mode because I feel rather... lackluster in my creations lately. Having randoms message me about my fan fictions, wanting to profit off them by doing "commissioned" artwork or "collabs" doesn't help. I don't write fan fiction for profit, but for kicks and giggles and to, hopefully, keep my writing pen sharp. And when you get ten plus in less than a month, all saying how wonderful they thought your writing was, amazing, awesome, deserves x y and z... the ego is decidedly stroked... until you realize they're all saying the same thing, could be bots, definitely scammers out to take your money.... your confidence takes a hit.
Ah yes... maybe that is the real issue I am having right now.. Since my motivation to write original works is currently at a low... and my fan fiction is taking a few days' break from telling me what happens next... I may be waxing nostalgic to when my depression was so bad I couldn't squeeze out a single creative idea to save my life. Slumps, gotta love them. And yet it's always nice to see people, or even just a single person, appreciate what I've created. And, I confess, it gives me a boost to see others succeeding, especially if I know them and/or have helped them.
For example, my husband has a book published and recently got some traction from it. Amazing! I felt an instant boost of success, partly because I am also his publisher, and partly because people said they actually liked his story. In my husband's case, I think he's a wonderful storyteller, but it wasn't until we met that he actually thought about writing anything down, let alone publishing. He's a book snob and has Imposter Syndrome just as badly as I do.
Maybe it's a false sense of pride, or pride for the sake of those in my circle, but man... it's a nice boost.
Anyway, I guess I'm meandering. I suppose that means I should write blog posts more often. Might be less inclined to wander around and off on tangents... Any who... I suck at promoting myself, but am trying. I am currently struggling to write original work so I create fan fiction. I am finding it difficult to keep motivation when my migraines flare (aka more than just a "bad headache"). Yeah.. but the real point is that I keep pushing, even when I don't want to, unless my body simply says "not today", and then I rest, and that's okay!
Regardless of what your own goals in life may be, I hope that is the message you get from my random musings today. Please don't let negativity, depression, anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, or even your own stories giving you the middle fingers, stop you from pushing forward. Too many give up too early, when the prize is literally just around the corner, and that's what keeps me going, even if all I get is that endorphin boost from helping someone else achieve their dreams. Never give up. Never.
I was there when Google became a thing and yet I still struggle to use it. I started out on MySpace before moving to Facebook, and who knows how many other social media sites. And yet I just can't seem to pull myself together like these younger generations can. Man, that makes me feel and sound old! I even still remember how to do some of that basic html coding from back in the day, something most kids don't even think about because a program does it all for them.
I confess I have had feelings of irrelevancy lately, especially as I sit and stare at my computer screen, realizing the only real projects I've worked on lately are either books for young children, books written by others, or fan fiction. Yes, I write fan fiction, in case you didn't know. And, right now, I"m working on a fan fiction that is part a series I've been playing with for... gosh.. how many years has it been now? Almost nine-ten years? Man alive.
It's kind of hard to believe I started writing as a snot-nosed kid in elementary school and loved it. And here I sit, as a middle-aged woman, staring at a blank page as I try to make my original works come to life and they refuse. Not only do they refuse, but they basically have stuck their collective tongues out at me, probably given me the middle finger, and are just outright ignoring me.
Any of you have those imaginary friends growing up, that would sometimes ignore you? It's kinda like that.
That being said, I can't say I've exactly stayed idle. As I've said, I have been working on other projects, young kid books (illustrations and all), editing for others, helping others get published (two books and counting), and writing fan fiction. I even turned my YA books into screenplays, with my dragon trilogy becoming an audio drama. Indeed, I cannot say I've been idle.
However, I feel, lately, my momentum has been rather... lacking. This is, sadly, in part to depression, anxiety, and a whole heck-a-lot of migraine. Man alive, migraines... They are sappers of energy, creativity, and pretty much anything else. Even when I do have the mojo to work on my fan fictions, I have to go back and make sure i can understand what i was writing because, if I write in a migraine state, I can't guarantee it will actually make sense. The things people don't tell you.
And then you add onto that Imposter Syndrome, which I am a fervent believer that ALL creatives suffer from... man, what a concoction. Well, I guess I"m in that Imposter Syndrome overdrive mode because I feel rather... lackluster in my creations lately. Having randoms message me about my fan fictions, wanting to profit off them by doing "commissioned" artwork or "collabs" doesn't help. I don't write fan fiction for profit, but for kicks and giggles and to, hopefully, keep my writing pen sharp. And when you get ten plus in less than a month, all saying how wonderful they thought your writing was, amazing, awesome, deserves x y and z... the ego is decidedly stroked... until you realize they're all saying the same thing, could be bots, definitely scammers out to take your money.... your confidence takes a hit.
Ah yes... maybe that is the real issue I am having right now.. Since my motivation to write original works is currently at a low... and my fan fiction is taking a few days' break from telling me what happens next... I may be waxing nostalgic to when my depression was so bad I couldn't squeeze out a single creative idea to save my life. Slumps, gotta love them. And yet it's always nice to see people, or even just a single person, appreciate what I've created. And, I confess, it gives me a boost to see others succeeding, especially if I know them and/or have helped them.
For example, my husband has a book published and recently got some traction from it. Amazing! I felt an instant boost of success, partly because I am also his publisher, and partly because people said they actually liked his story. In my husband's case, I think he's a wonderful storyteller, but it wasn't until we met that he actually thought about writing anything down, let alone publishing. He's a book snob and has Imposter Syndrome just as badly as I do.
Maybe it's a false sense of pride, or pride for the sake of those in my circle, but man... it's a nice boost.
Anyway, I guess I'm meandering. I suppose that means I should write blog posts more often. Might be less inclined to wander around and off on tangents... Any who... I suck at promoting myself, but am trying. I am currently struggling to write original work so I create fan fiction. I am finding it difficult to keep motivation when my migraines flare (aka more than just a "bad headache"). Yeah.. but the real point is that I keep pushing, even when I don't want to, unless my body simply says "not today", and then I rest, and that's okay!
Regardless of what your own goals in life may be, I hope that is the message you get from my random musings today. Please don't let negativity, depression, anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, or even your own stories giving you the middle fingers, stop you from pushing forward. Too many give up too early, when the prize is literally just around the corner, and that's what keeps me going, even if all I get is that endorphin boost from helping someone else achieve their dreams. Never give up. Never.
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