Saturday, November 1, 2014

Let's Talk Elf! Part one

Good Morning and welcome to "Let's Talk Elf!" This program is designed to inform you about some of the least commonly talked about things surrounding the North Pole, elves, and that Jolly Ol' Man in the Red Hat, Santa Claus! (The reader of this transcript has the right to pass off all of this information as a bunch of "fooey". I can't force you to believe.)

First things first, though, right? Let's start off with a bit about this show. "Let's Talk Elf" was created as a means for the average joe to learn more about Christmas and the North Pole. Backed by financial support by the North Pole Organization Fund, and readers like you, LTE promises to be an interesting and informative program. (If you have any questions you'd like discussed in future episodes, by all means! Leave a comment below!)

First item on our list. What exactly is an elf?

The Webster's Dictionary states than an elf is "an imaginary, tiny being of mischievious character; a sprite; fairy."
And this is just about what most dictionaries say on the matter.

In my own words (being something of an expert), an elf is a being who appears to be a child or a teenager. The elf has pointed ears and rosy cheeks. They are most commonly found at the North Pole, but can occasionally be found in other places as well, such as the South Pole. And, sometimes, you can spot them in the general masses of normal human suburbia.

"What about the North Pole?"

The dictionary states that the North Pole is "the end of the earth's axis of rotation--the zenith of this point."

This may be true, but it is also true that the North Pole is the accepted home of Santa and all his elves.

But wait, you might say. Isn't the North Pole just a giant iceberg stuck in the middle of the Arctic Sea? A giant floating mass of ice and snow?

Well, technically, yes. In a manner of speaking. You see, what most people consider the North Pole, isn't strictly what we experts refer to as The North Pole, where North Pole City is located. The area we are talking about is a bit further north. And yes, it only sees so much sunshine every year, which also makes it one of the most cold places on earth.

Perhaps this excerpt, taken from The Unknown Elf's Appendix, is the best explanation.

            "North Pole City can be found in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, above Greenland but not entirely in the North Polar Region.  It is an underground city, being encompassed about by a vast iceberg that has not moved in thousands of years, being firmly attached to the ocean bottom.
            Though the City is indeed under water, it is not directly even with the ocean floor.  Instead, it is only several hundred feet below the surface.  The iceberg that contains the city rises several hundred feet above the ocean’s level, near the center of the berg.  The berg itself, is several hundred miles wide at its most, though the majority of it only surrounds the city.
            The most stable portion of the iceberg has been hollowed out like a giant snow cave, with the ceiling of the dome being within only a dozen or so feet from the top of the berg, enough to keep it solid enough on top for frequent traffic of sleigh teams and walkers.  The top of the dome is about one hundred feet in diameter, with several smaller domes for various way stations and settlements.
            Within the city are the various buildings described under the buildings section.  Also within the city, aside from the housing district, are the Stables and various fields of greenery, as well as several small parks.  Near the outer limits of the city are scattered exit points that lead directly to the upper levels of the berg and to the outside.
            Despite common belief, North Pole City is not a frozen area where there is continual snow on the ground.  It is only on the outer level that this atmosphere can be found.  Within the city it is a different matter.  Through the use of various technologies, as well as the principle of thermal dynamics, the city enjoys a fairly moderate climate, being neither too hot nor too cold."

Now, perhaps you have already read this information. If that's the case, carry on, but if not, please reread the above information and commit it to memory. (Just kidding.)

But it is safe to say that The North Pole comprises a vast underground city in the Arctic region that is about 10-15 miles in cubic size. And it has a fluctuating population of between 100 and 250 thousand elves and humans. Sometimes there are more. Why so many, you might ask. Well, that's because there's a lot more to the underground home of Santa Claus than you might think. But, alas, this segment's time slot is over. So please look forward to our next episode coming soon!

*** In our next episode, we will discuss some of the various buildings and departments inside the North Pole Organization. 

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